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Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trailer is Here to Scare Your Kids

Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trailer is Here to Scare Your Kids

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCjsWpM9zFU So here’s Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer. Hold me. “Crime, violence and fear have run rampant,” this trailer for an adaptation of something that used to be a light-hearted kids show about human-sized turtles eating pizza intones. You’d be forgiven for thinking I’d accidentally linked a reboot of Death Wish for the first few seconds. The trailer is a minute and 30 seconds long, but most of the Bay trademarks are on display. Megan Fox. Baysplosions (or at least Baydisasters). Guns. Military hardware. Victoria’s Secret commercial lighting and wind machines. Violence. Dumb jokes. OK, I liked the joke. The joke was the best part. If the entire narration and dark tone of this thing is a joke (seriously, it opens with a gunshot) then it’s pretty funny. As stupid parody dialogue it would be great. And considering that the Turtles were originally created as a parody of grim, dark comics then it would also be very meta. But if it’s serious, then, whoo, boy. Anyway, here’s your antidote.

Things That Drive Nerds Crazy: Michael Bay

Things That Drive Nerds Crazy: Michael Bay

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Michael Bay REALLY drives nerds crazy. Pull-the-hair-out, stomp-the-feet crazy. There are plenty of bad directors out there, so why does Michael Bay get a special kind of hatred? It’s simple. Bay has this unnerving ability to get under a geek’s skin and hit them where they’re most vulnerable. Nostalgic culture and childhood memories are valued by most people to varying degrees, but it’s a really important thing to geeks. It’s part of their identity. There are certain franchises they treasured as kids and are very much still into, and always will be. Bay takes those franchises, measures the precise moment when the generation originally obsessed with them will turn 30, and then creates big stupid movies out of them. The kind of frat-catering, plot-hole-filled, idea-stealing, mindless movies nerds find repulsive. Through doing this, he irritates in a way few others can. Nowhere was this more evident than in the script for Bay’s rejected Ninja Turtles movie treatment, which leaked onto the Internet last week. Unfortunately the script was only online